1.26.2009

Senses


cold air that smothers and stings...thick, woolen stockings and three more layers of clothing--still not enough to protect a tiny, frigid body from the icy world...

sweet, waxy lips...sugary Twinkie chapstick crystals form upon my lips...

tangy-sweet, blood-red liquid...slides over my tongue, gently cascades down my throat...cold, smooth plastic bottle, heavy at first but evolves into empty, red-stained space...

feeling the weight--or lack thereof--of my body...the weightlessness...clean, clean bones...his body swallows mine...his arms engulf my body and I will him to crush me...

straightened hair, strays from its wavy tendencies...silky and clean and combed, velvety pleasure for fingers to run through...growing longer, fractions of millimeters, constantly, growing into a long, silky train fit for a bride...

pages of the journal, coarse and smooth simultaneously...empty save for the spaced lines and pink flowers, yearning to be drunk with scribble and uncertain wisdom...soft, leather binding, light and comfort and pink to the touch...

middle of the day--empty tummy, pure and high on air, high on its own emptiness...space, shrinking in ignorant, happy victory...

hours later--belly sated, full of sweet, bubbly diet coke and stringy, light green veggies and bright, zesty mustard globs...

beat building up, arms and legs quivering, ready to take flight and dance right up to heaven...

walking home from school, the wind fighting to topple me over...walking stays brisk, sometimes evolving into a run, anticipation for warmth welling up and dying down inside me with every gust and shudder...becoming slowly aware of nose and ears, aware of the numbness that tries to yank them off of my body...ears pounding, then dead, then aching--aching like i'm an underwater scuba diver who can't equalize the pressure in her ears, miserable until that magical "pop" and then down into the depths she goes...

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